Art, the Internet, and Masturbation   Leave a comment

I spent a great part of my artistic life very focused.  Spent years writing songs and learning to produce same songs in the privacy of well, private life, before I ever came on the internet and felt the deep fluidity of bonding with the world of people.  Things were much more simple back when I first found all that.  I honed in on sexual stuff at first, played a sort of mating game that was far easier and streamlined than the difficulties found in reality.  heh   I brought my music to the one big music site that existed and just by letting my freak flag fly developed a pretty large following.  Whether they were there to listen to my music or to take in the show that was FT may be debatable but either way, there were tangible results I could find some solace in.  When the indies were kicked off that grand site, a lot of things changed for me, and my peers.

Oh the glut of music files that came around during the My Space era!!  It was like your beautiful songs, your musical children were smaller than grains of sand on the largest desert on earth.  I didn’t take all this “progress” too well.  I felt, still feel like I’m swimming with no possible way to reach shore.  The more popular social network sites now are almost silly compared to back then.  Facebook, you communicate only with people you know, many of whom take you for granted far more than your average random stranger.  Twitter, you throw phrases into the night pretending someone might read it, some gather followers by sheer perseverance and you know damned well a lot of these people aren’t even capable of turning an interesting phrase, it’s beyond them.  heh

So then, the answer is, what are all these people doing blogging, uploading their new songs, writing poetry on poetry sites, presenting their serious graphic arts on art sites?  Surely some of it is the sheer joy of emoting, releasing parts of oneself, but more often, the unspoken is that you’re doing this so someone will read, listen, partake.  It’s a hopeful, attempted communication.  It’s creating and presenting yourself as a package you secretly or not so secretly hope someone will open.

My dream of becoming a rockstar, of doing anything substantial with my music has been over for awhile now.  It kicked and screamed for a number of years but I suppose when I left my deep laborious creation IAC due to my horrific partner from hell (after being so caught up in all that for 4 or 5 years), I became alert enough to fully contemplate and face my dream, see it for what it was, and put a fork in it.  Just recently I feel I’ve adjusted to my new role as artist masturbation man.  Recorded a really great CD with 21 quality songs that was finished in 2009 (Stambaugh/Wright – Coloured Vinyl), went thru various persistent machinations to get it out there but realized it was directed towards and into a vacuum, I heard the whooshing sound.  I worked on a huge project on Second Life for around 6 months, building a songwriters’ mecca with 3 virtual venues.  It was fabulous, but getting people to visit it was too difficult to want to persist in trying.  What it amounted to was, if I stayed on Second Life all day and gathered a posse, I’d have activity at my great estate.  Meanwhile, far inferior, laughably assembled slop venues would be hopping just because they put the time in gathering a clan.

What am I doing now ?  I have a wide assortment of masturbatory projects that I know with all my being no one cares about, but I’m excited about doing them.  At the same time I carry around this acute awareness that I’m pretending in my own head that the world’s gonna give a fuck.  I’m the jerkoff mastah general.  I just spent endless hours creating my dream radio station, with a format that breaks all the current rules but contains all the best songwriter songs ever created, in my opinion, anyway.  It’s called Blazing Lights in the Sky RADIO.  I’m still working on the FT website, adding an audio interview and some other past odds & ends.  Built a new gallery on Second Life which uses a lot of the content I created for the Brill Perplex called Tin Pan Alley.  I just finished a new song as you know, I’ve been writing several others in the last week or so.  There are projects within projects like this prize wheel thing I’m working on for Tin Pan Alley and of course this blog.  I have a really great song half finished on my harddrive for 3 years now that I’m finally going to try and finish.  So yes, I’m da busy beaver.  Jerking like mad and I doubt I’ll ever actually cum.  😀

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Posted August 16, 2011 by fathertimemusic in angst, magic, music, rock, Uncategorized

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